/ / Stay In Love Series Day 6: Negotiating Skills, Learn Them Well

Stay In Love Series Day 6: Negotiating Skills, Learn Them Well

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You may be surprised to see negotiating as one of my tips to staying in love. I believe it is important to learn how to negotiate well in order to have harmony in your relationship.
Relationships are full of negotiation. You negotiate who will pay the bills, walk the dog, give the kids bathes and take out the trash. In our house Chris and I often negotiate who will be the next one to go back up stairs and tuck our son into bed for the hundredth time. “I did it last time. You go!” Sometimes there can even be a negotiation on sex…again, already?! 😉
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All these situations can overwhelm even the strongest relationship. Before you know it, you are yelling at your partner, “You just don’t get it!!”
Or are you frustrated because you NEVER get your way? Possibly having the same argument time after time with no resolution in sight?

I have discovered a few tools that may be just what you need to negotiate like a pro!
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I thought I would break it down with an acronym T.E.A.M.
Timing
        Eye contact
 Accept
   Mirroring
Timing–As you know, timing is everything. Don’t try to negotiate while your man is watching his favorite football team in the fourth quarter with 15 seconds left on the clock. No…bad time. Instead use quite, uninterrupted opportunities like a walk. Movement of any kind increases those happy endorphins. Happy body will equal happy (hopefully) open mind. 😉

Eye contact–Looking some one straight in the eye when communicating says two things. One, you have my attention. Two, I am completely listening to you.  Where you position your body can be important too. When your body is lower than your partner and you have to look up at them, you will be making them feel valued and important. So next time you have something you need to negotiate, try this move out. I think you will be happily surprised at the results.


Accept–Lyndon B. Johnson is quoted saying, 

“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she is having her own way. And second, let her have it.”

As much as I would like to always get my way, I need to be willing to see Chris’s point of view as well. Every relationship needs some give and take. Accept that sometimes you will have to compromise. It keeps you humble and your relationship more balanced.


Mirroring…Think about it. People like people who are like themselves, so try mirroring your partner. When you do this you will be kicking on those mirror neurons in your brain. You will then start to experience a satisfied feeling of solidarity and teamwork. Be careful though, this isn’t a game of Copy Cat!!! The movements do not need to be exact, in fact it’s better not to mirror to closely. Here’s an example, maybe your partner runs his hands through his hair, then you could simply touch your cheek. Might sound strange, but isn’t it worth a try to avoid a big fight?


The overall picture is that your relationship is a partnership. The more you can be open minded and accepting of each others differences, the easier it will be to handle those negotiating situations. 



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